Monday, September 11, 2006

Make a wish emails

A reader on the tagboard asked me to blog more and I was so surprised that someone would want to read my drivel that I decided to indulge him/her. I've even enabled comments, so all the viagra dealers have a place to append their spam. I very rarely have anything meaningful to speak about but nothing is easier than talking without nothing to say. That reader will rue the day he asked for this.

A colleague sent me one of those chain emails that normally I delete on sight - make a wish, read the prayer to St Teresa, send this email to 12 other people and your wish will be granted within four days, etc. etc.
The email also mentioned that I had to include the sender in the group of 12 people, so I feel a bit bad not sending it back to my colleague. One thing is to think "WTF did you send me, did you lose your mind?" but keep the thought to yourself, another is to let your silence say it for you. Maybe this lady wished for something awesome like peace on Earth and I'm fucking it up for her.

Of course I could send it back saying "I MADE A WISH THAT YOU'LL STOP SENDING ME THIS RETARDED SHIT - BUT FAT CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING, YOU MOTHERFUCKING MORON!", but that would be just as rude as not answering. Maybe even a bit ruder.

Let's have a look at the requirements. Let's assume for sake of argument that St Teresa really exists and that she cares about this email being forwarded it exactly twelve people. Maybe that creates just enough Heavenly Mana points for a small miracle. I guess that sending it back just to the colleague and pretending that I sent it around wouldn't fullfill the conditions.

So I wonder - what if I forward it to my colleague and 11 people picked at random from my spam box? Would that satisfy the requirements? For example, there's a Lara Leary who's been eagerly trying to get me interested in a "fine-looking Innoccent Cutie getting splendid it anallly!" (how does one get splendid anally? maybe it's somehow related to mystical ecstasy and they would appreciate a prayer email to St Theresa); there's a Sushi bar in Spain that keeps sending me emails about their home delivery service (that'd be some ripe salmon nigiri by the time it got here); and so on. Do these count as people for the purposes of email miracles? If they don't, St Theresa may get really pissed - and who knows what other superpowers she has aside from granting wishes by email? Better not risk it.


Can0Spam said...

For revenge on (so called) friends spamming, I have a nice sound of splatter each time I hit delete. :)

Keep up the Blog!

Cao Cao's Sycophant said...

Haha, this reminds me of the chain email that went around that was just basically a huge rant about chain emails. But this is funnier.

I agree with the previous, keep up the blog!

anon said...

You get much more interesting spam than me :)

The new positing rules are a big improvement - now I have even more interesting ways to waste my time at work!

Drew Falconeer said...

I waited long time to be able to comment your entries.
I love your perspective and I think I love you.
It would be great if you'd blog some more and if we/me'd be able to comment you :)

Anonymous said...

I always get Mortgage spam...
I don't even own a house, fucking idiots.

Anonymous said...

I personally hate chain mails and i am not going to forward them to anyone, i dont even read them.. they are just same useless spam that should be deletet asap(that way you dont even have change read them).

Anonymous said...

Just thank You for keeping me entertained at work.